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Wednesday 22 June 2011

How To Quit Smoking

Go on a 4-day holiday with all 22 of your immediate family; take what's supposed to be your last pack. Accidentally leave your wallet at home so as to stymie your own half-assed plan of ducking out to buy "just one more".

24 hours nicotine-less. Do NOT get between me & the Diet Coke.

Monday 6 June 2011

Gastric Bypass Surgery and other developments

What a hectic couple of days. Let me give you background.

As some readers know, I have long and always been fat and in permanent financial panic, and have suffered for quite some time with Chronic Depression. 3.5 years ago I had lapband surgery. In the last two years I have developed Type 2 diabetes, stopped work, gone onto a Disability Pension and fielded approximately a million phone calls from banks asking for money I don't have.

In February 2010, I consulted with the state's leading surgeon for gastric bypass surgery (Roux-en-Y - Wikipedia article). Even with private health, the cost was simply too high. And, I suppose, I hadn't reached my current desperation level.

The dietitian I see at my GP is also the consultant dietitian for this surgeon, and she has mentioned me to him a number of times. On Monday last week, my GP gave me a message that the surgeon had offered to do the surgery for NO GAP. That means full cover through my private health. Surgery, anaesthetic, 5 days private room - all essentially free. God bless him.

So today I had an appointment with the surgeon, and I am booked in for 13th July. Have to quit smoking (impedes healing), go on meal replacement shakes to reduce my liver size (so they can get past it to the stomach), try not to panic (leads to eating whole pizzas), etc.

5 weeks, people! I'm terrified and thrilled and hyperactive and over-adrenalised.

FYI: although (unfortunately) silent, this is an accurate animation of the bypass process:

Please feel free to ask any questions you have!

I know at least one of my siblings reads this: the fact you read this here, instead of in an email with my name on it, means that I'm not opening it up for general family discussion as yet.

Saturday 4 June 2011

Things that make you choke to death

Two weeks ago, I dropped by Red Rooster to get cheesy nuggets - I was cranky, & I am soothed by eating reconstituted bits of purported chicken with melted cheese-ish stuff in it, that have been coated with sesame-seed batter and then deep-fried. It's a weakness.

Sooo, I got home and opened the pack... wait, what hell is this?! No sesame seeds. Different type of batter. PLAIN DRY UN-CHEESE-ish-Y NUGGETS. Quelle horreur! Anyway, so I rang the manager and blah blah, free fake food next time.

Today I dropped by and got my free cheese-ish-y nuggets - I checked before I left: sesame seeds? Check. Correct batter? Check. Break one open - melted cheese-ish yellow stuff? Check.

Ahhh, lunch: time to de-stress and navel-gaze. Sitting in the car, watching horses run in a field, I place the 3rd nugget in my mouth, bite down... then drag the massive piece of cooked ACTUAL PLASTIC out of the middle of the nugget.

(cigarette is for scale only!)

For the first time in my adult life, I wish I lived in America, but my dreams of instant cash settlement will have to wait. I will be taking it back to them tomorrow.