Monday, 31 August 2009
Very funny stuff.
Phillip Garrido's Blog
Friday, August 14, 2009
Something Brand New Has Taken Place!
During the month of July 2009 JM's Enterprises, 1215 Willow Pass Road * Pittsburg CA,(925) 439-8118 was the host to a powerful demonstration, the Creator has given me the ability to speak in the tongue of angels in order to provide a wake-up call that will in time include the salvation of the entire world.
You too can witness what the world believe's is impossible to produce! email: firstname.lastname@example.org. DON'T MISS OUT!
Posted by themanwhospokewithhismind at 11:57 AM 909 comments
Since most of his previous posts have far fewer comments, I'm guessing that most of the 900+ featured here are directly in relation to his arrest in the Jaycee Dugard case.
Wonder how long it'll be before someone pulls the blog?
Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?
Saturday, 29 August 2009
fear of success
I'd become too good at desperately wanting people to take an interest in me, so I was hopelessy unprepared when they did.From age 9, being highly sexual and a willing co-experimenter made me popular in some circles, to some degree. But when every encounter is couched in such secrecy, because we're all too young, or because we're living in a tiny community where everybody knows everybody, or because he's embarrassed to be seen with me because I'm not cool... the first person who made me feel like he wanted to be with me for ME, not my boobs or my reputation - well, I was cautious but thrilled. Now I could get to know someone, without the constant pressure to "make out", without having to be ever-vigilant about the inevitable subtle attempts to DO IT. A week later, he raped me. I was 14.
23 years and 110 kgs later, my guard is still up. I am fighting for my life. I am 169 kgs, a smoker, diabetic. I have still never had a boyfriend, although I have had casual shag-buddies. I have been asked out on numerous occasions, only to blow the whole thing on a rising tide of panic and fear, convinced (and not without precedent) that the aim is humiliation and scorn.
I am losing weight for health, for mobility, for self-esteem. I am terrified of success, because I still react to kindness as some sort of indication of interest and my bullshitometer is set to either Paranoid Cynicism or Pollyanna Naivete.
I refuse to be the butt of any more jokes. Fat and lonely, yes. Desperate, no. Cynicism is my armour, but paranoia is my only defence against those who pretend to be interested..
Can't I just be happy?
Friday, 28 August 2009
The last live snake she left was venemous, so this one is in the brig until I know whether it can kill me.
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
I am very doubtful whether history shows us one example of a man who, having stepped outside traditional morality and attained power, has used that power benevolently.
Monday, 24 August 2009
"The Lost City of Z"
A few snippets:
* "Fawcett was shocked to learn that, because so many workers died in the jungle, rubber barons, in order to replenish their labor supply, dispatched armed posses into the forest to kidnap and enslave tribes. [...] Evidence showed that the Peruvian Amazon Company had committed virtual genocide in attempting to pacify and enslave the native population: it castrated and beheaded Indians, poured gasoline on them and lit them afire, crucified them upside down, beat them, mutilated them, starved them, drowned them, and fed them to dogs. [...The investigation] estimated that some thirty thousand Indians had died at the hands of this one rubber company alone."
* "As [the president of the RGS] traced his finger over the map, he explained that the area was so unexplored that Bolivia, Brazil, and Peru could not even agree on their borders: they were simply speculative lines sketched through mountains and jungles. In 1864, boundary disputes between Paraguay and its neighbors had erupted into one of the worst conflicts in Latin American history. (About half the Paraguayan population was killed.)" - a parenthetical note, so dispassionate.
* "...lines from Ella Wheeler Wilcox's 'Solitude':But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a long and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.
* Fawcett's family motto: "Nec Aspera Terrent", essentially "Difficulties Be Damned"
* after his second expedition, during which he nicknamed the Amazon "the Green Hell", Fawcett wrote, "I wanted to forget atrocities, to put slavery, murder and horrible disease behind me, and to look again at respectacle old ladies whose ideas of vice ended with the indiscretions of so-and-so's housemaid. I wanted to listen to the everyday chit-chat of the village parson, discuss the uncertainties of the weather with the yokels, pick up the daily paper on my breakfast plate." But after a few months of "normality": "Deep down inside me a tiny voice was calling. At first scarcely audible, it persisted until I could no longer ignore it. It was the voice of the wild places, and I knew that it was now part of me for ever. Inexplicably - amazingly - I knew I loved that hell. Its fiendish grasp had captured me, and I wanted to see it again."
I love that phrase, "the voice of the wild places".
All bold emphases added by me.
Sunday, 23 August 2009
Email Wut 2:Electric Boogaloo
for the instructions...
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Best. Divorce. Quote. Ever.
Comedian John Cleese, 69, has finalised his divorce from wife No. 3, Alyce Eichelberger, who will receive a settlement worth $24 million over the next seven years. "I got off lightly," Cleese said. "Think what I'd have had to pay if she had contributed anything to the relationship."
Thursday, 20 August 2009
Amazing!!! Socotra Island - Like Another Planet - off Africa
These pictures and information are excellent viewing and reading. Socotra Island: you have to see it to believe it. This island simply blows away any notion about what is considered "normal" for a landscape on Earth.
Socotra is one of those "lost world" islands (separated from the world six million years ago) where intrepid travellers - particularly those seeking exotic nature and wildlife in a remote tropical setting - can go days on end without rubbing shoulders with that less-than-endangered species, tourists.
Known for decades as the Galapagos of the Indian Ocean , it's the world's tenth richest island for endemic plant species. And the biggest island in the Middle East 125 kilometres in length and 45 kilometres across.
Meanwhile the landscape is one of contrasts, for example, it has isolated nature preserves with dazzling wildlife (including 900 species of plants, and the famous Dragon's Blood Tree "dracaena cinnabara" and the some of rarest birds that exist nowhere else in the world), and picturesque sandy beaches.
Imagine waking up on Socotra Island and taking a good look around you. You'd be inclined to think you were transported to another planet - or travelled to another era of Earth's history.
The second would be closer to the truth for this island, which is part of a group of 4 islands, has been geographically isolated from mainland Africa for the last 6 or 7 million years. Like the Galapagos Islands, this island is teeming with extremely rare species of flora and fauna (700) , a full 1/3 of which are endemic, i.e. found nowhere else on Earth.
The climate is harsh, hot and dry, and yet - the most amazing plant life thrives there. Situated in the Indian Ocean 250 km from Somalia and 340 km from Yemen, the wide sandy beaches rise to limestone plateaus full of caves (some 7 kilometres in length) and mountains up to 1525 meters high.
The name Socotra is derived from a Sanskrit name, meaning "The Island of Bliss "... Is it the beaches? The isolation and quiet? Or the strange and crazy botanical allure?
We 're almost tempted to call Socotra the other "Mountains of Madness" - the trees and plants of this island were preserved thru the long geological isolation, some varieties being 20 million years old...
We begin with the dracaena cinnibara or Dragon's Blood Tree, the source of valuable resin for varnishes, dyes, and "cure-all" medicine; also (predictably) used in medieval ritual magic and alchemy -
The branches spread out into the sky and from below appear to hover over the landscape like so many flying saucers... And from above they have a distinct mushroom look:
There is also the Desert Rose (adenium obesium) which looks like nothing so much as a blooming elephant leg:
Dorstenia gigas - apparently does not require any soil and sinks roots straight into the bare rock:
It also has a distinct personality and likes to smile for the camera:
Somewhat similar to the weird Dorstenia gigas, is this "bucha" vegetable, found as far north as Croatia. I hope it's not pregnant with anything malignant inside this sack. John Wyndham (with his "The Day of the Triffids") would've loved it:
Also found in Socotra's landscape is the ever-strange and extremely rare Cucumber Tree (dendrosicyos socotranum) - and yes, it's related to what's sitting in a pickle jar in your fridge:
Getting around can be a challenge, as there are almost no roads. Despite the fact that this island has around 40,000 inhabitants, the Yemeni government put in the first roads just 2 years ago - after negotiations with UNESCO, which has declared this island a World Natural Heritage Site. I would prefer a camel ride to what is bound to be a bumpy and slow 4x4 ride... It is a quiet and peaceful enclave in an otherwise troubled world.
If you decide to visit there, you can forget about beachfront hotels and restaurants; this island is geared towards Eco-tourism and sustaining the local economy and way of life.
This island is a birder's paradise as well, with 140 different species of birds, 10 of which are not found anywhere else in the world. A unique Socotra warbler, sunbird, starling, bunting, sparrow and cisticola are among the ones found here. There are also Socotra Cormorants:
Want to see some fairy-tale (and possibly haunted) shipwrecks? There are diving tours available... Hopefully some IMAX crew will film it in all its glory one day.
To give you a glimpse of Socotra's (and Yemen's in general) totally unique architecture, check out this place located on the mainland - Al Hajarah, Yemen - Walled city in the mist:
Wednesday, 19 August 2009
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
"...tucked the paper between her cleavage."
No. That makes as much sense as the quasi-joke, "what's the difference between a duck?" - ie, none.
Monday, 17 August 2009
Fw: Inquiry:Business From Iraq
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Sgt John Moore <email@example.com>
Sent: Saturday, 15 August, 2009 10:40:29 PM
Subject: Inquiry:Business From Iraq
Good day and compliments, I know this letter will definitely come to you as a huge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you make will go off a long way to determine my future and continued existence.
Please allow me to introduce myself.I am Sgt John Moore, a US Marine Sgt.serving in the 3rd Battalion, 25th Marine Regiment which Patrols the Anbar province, Iraq.I am desperately in need of assistance and I have summoned up courage to contact you.
I am presently in Iraq and I found your contact particulars in an address journal. I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of 25million USD (Twenty Five Million USD) to the States or any safe country,as far as I can be assured that it will be safe in your care until I complete my service here.This is no stolen money and there are no dangers involved.
SOURCE OF MONEY:
Some money in various currencies was discovered and concealed in barrels with piles of weapons and ammunition at a location near one of Saddam Hussein's old Presidential Palaces during a rescue operation and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us.This might appear as an illegal thing to do but I tell you what? No compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hell hole. The above figure was given to me as my share and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a British contact working with the UN here(his office enjoys some immunity)I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot.He does not know the real contents of the package as he believes that it belongs to an American who died in an air raid,before giving up trusted me to hand over the package to his close relative.
I have now found a secured way of getting the package out of Iraq for you to pick up. I do not know for how long I will remain here as I have been lucky to have survived 2 suicide bomb attacks by Pure Divine intervention.I will give you 25% of the total sum.
This and other reasons put into consideration have prompted me to reach out for help. If it might be of interest to you then Endeavor to contact me and we would work out the necessary formalities but i pray that you are discreet about this mutually benefiting relationship.My first demand to you is to ask you for your strict confidentiality on this transaction and total trust too, these two things are the most important things needed to conclude this transaction.
Get back to me with the above details so that they can make delivery of the consignment to your Doorstep.
Sgt. John Moore,
United States Marine Corps. IRAQ.
Avian Flu!! The Jews Did It!! Apparently.
A journalist from Holland who linked Jews to the recent outbreak of a flu pandemic drew heavy criticism from a prominent Dutch Jewish organization this week, which said her claim was tantamount to an anti-Semitic blood libel.
Holland's largest daily, De Telegraaf, last week printed an interview with Desiree Rover, 61, who proposed the bird flu pandemic, caused by the virus H5N1, was part of an international conspiracy to reduce the world's population. (Swine flu, or H1N1, is a related virus.)
Rover is quoted saying the conspiracy can be traced back to descendants of the Khazars in the Caucasus believed to have converted to Judaism 1,200 years ago. De Telegraaf quotes her saying these descendants are now "praying to another god; Lucifer, Satan or however you want to call him" and "are called Rockefeller, Rothschild, Brzezinski and Kissinger."
Ronny Naftaniel, who heads the Center for Information and Documentation on Israel (CIDI) - an local anti-Semitism watchdog - said this is the first time he has heard such claims from Rover, adding that her words suggest that "she does not seem to be right in her head."
Now imagine someone had accused Muslims of spreading the disease deliberately... how likely is it that the public response would have been (a) rational, (b) sympathetic and/or (c) calm?
Do Not Test the Secret Service's Sense Of Humour
The Secret Service is investigating a man who authorities said held a sign reading "Death to Obama" outside a town hall meeting on health-care reform in western Maryland.
The sign also read, "Death to Michelle and her two stupid kids," referring to the first name of President Barack Obama's wife, said Washington County Sheriff's Capt. Peter Lazich
About.com gives me this information:
What Constitutes a "Threat"?
According to this law -- 18 USC Sec. 871 -- which reads, in part:
"...Whoever knowingly and willfully deposits for conveyance in the mail or for a delivery from any post office or by any letter carrier any letter, paper, writing, print, missive, or document containing any threat to take the life of, to kidnap, or to inflict bodily harm upon the President of the United States, the President-elect, the Vice President or other officer next in the order of succession to the office of President of the United States, or the Vice President-elect, or knowingly and willfully otherwise makes any such threat against the President, President-elect, Vice President or other officer next in the order of succession to the office of President, or Vice President-elect, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than five years, or both."
That covers a lot of deeds and statements. It gives the Secret Service a lot of latitude when conducting an investigation. There is a very good reason for this. Few jobs are more dangerous than President of the United States.
Remember Francisco Martin Duran? Back in 1994, he told some people he was going to kill President Clinton. Nobody took him seriously. But on October 29, 1994, in broad daylight and surrounded by tourists, Duran walked up to the White House fence and fired at least 29, 7.62 mm rifle rounds into Mr. Clinton's home.
Or how about Giuseppe Zangara who took a shot at President Franklin Roosevelt in 1933 because, "I don't hate Mr. Roosevelt personally... I hate all officials and everybody who is rich."
Imagine living every day with the knowledge that somebody, somewhere, is making plans to kill you. It would be enough to make me apply pretty liberal definitions to the word "threat."
Threat or Criticism
Where is the line drawn? When does a critical remark become a threat? On one extreme is the off-hand comment, the letter to a friend, the email to a co-worker, or message posted in a newsgroup. On the other, the twisted psychotic plot. Clearly, the circumstances of delivery make a great deal of difference. A "letter to the editor", or speech intelligently attacking the President's every action and policy is our right and should never be construed as a physical threat. Screaming obscenities in the President's face, sending threatening mail to the White House, or publicly stating a desire to see the President harmed are not only acts of shameful disrespect, they should always be considered threats under the law.
And threatening his wife and children at the same time - classy.
A User's Manual to Seat 21C
CONGRATULATIONS ON SELECTING SEAT 21C! This manual is intended to familiarize you with the many options available to you.
Before BUCKLING in, please note that the man standing in the aisle next to you is about to make a request. He wonders if it would be okay for you to switch seats with his wife, who is in the middle seat three rows ahead. She is the one seated between the former linebacker and the canola oil salesman, and is peering over the seatbacks at you with wide and imploring eyes.
The man will ask this in a voice sufficiently loud that all passengers seated within several rows will look up from their sudoku puzzles and await your answer. If you say no, the passengers will all wonder: Why do you hate married people? You must be a bitter and lonely person. Note also that there is no overhead luggage space three rows ahead, so you will have to wait for the entire plane to empty to come back and retrieve your bags. Have a good flight up at 18E!
Once permanently seated, grasp both ends of SEAT BELT and press firmly together. If you hear only a dull metallic clanking sound rather than a smart "click," extend half of the seat belt to your seatmate and awkwardly suggest that he must be sitting on your half.
If you would like a small and insubstantial PILLOW and cannot locate one, ring the flight attendant call button located directly overhead. If the flight attendant does not appear within five seconds, press the button repeatedly and with increasing urgency. If the flight attendant tells you no more are available, wait five minutes and repeat process.
On either side of you is an ARMREST. If you look down and see that it is currently occupied by the ham-sized elbow of your seatmate, it is often possible to claim your space by simply pressing your clammy forearm against his with a casualness that suggests that you hadn't noticed that you were even touching. (Note: this is effective chiefly in man-to-man seating configurations.)
Ahead of you is the marsupial-like SEAT BACK POUCH. In it you will find a magazine featuring ads for foreign language software favoured by farm boys hoping to impress hot Italian models; an emergency evacuation card depicting families who seem disturbingly calm for people about to abandon a sinking airliner for a shark-filled ocean; stray bits of Life Saver foil; and a boarding pass stub from someone named Richard from Ohio.
Also, you will find the SKYMALL CATALOG, from which you may order a product called "Poop Freeze," described as a spray refrigerant that "chills animal waste to -62°F, creating an outer 'crust' that enables you to quickly place in a bag and dispose." Feel free to spend the remainder of the flight trying to process this information.
Once the plane is airborne, you may RECLINE YOUR SEATBACK by pressing the button inside the armrest. If you chose not to recline, be aware that the person ahead of you will soon do so fully and abruptly, causing sharp discomfort on and around the patella but rewarding you with a panoramic view of several acres of scalp. You may mitigate this situation, at least psychologically, with a loud and audibly moist "sneeze," or by directing your personal air jet to the top of the encroaching head.
Directly ahead of you is the TRAY TABLE, which may be lowered for "snack service." The circular depression in the upper right corner is for your plastic cup, an item you may find oddly wide-mouthed for something conveying sticky beverages in an environment subject to sudden and dramatic up-and-down and to-and-fro motions. Also, note the cup is designed such that empty mylar pretzel pellet bags stuffed in them to facilitate trash collection will not remain there, but will repeatedly and mesmerisingly creep back out and onto the tray table.
Once the plane arrives at its destination, be aware that your SEATBELT BUCKLE is specially designed to disengage most efficiently if you place your hand on it for several minutes prior to arrival at the gate. The instant the seat belt sign is turned off and the soft gong sounds, snap it open vigorously, then swiftly stand up and lunge for the overhead bins. Those seated on the aisle should immediately advance one or two rows before others crowd in and hinder forward motion. Those in window seats should also stand immediately, adapting the attractively hunched Cro-Magnon stance under the luggage bins for the 12 minutes before your row is released for deplaning.
We hope that you find your seat comfortable and your flight pleasant.
We know you have a choice of many other seats, and we thank you for choosing SEAT 21C.
Remind me again why we're fighting the Taliban?
Go home, troops.
Afghanistan passes "barbaric" law diminishing women's rightsRead the full article for more madness.
Rehashed legislation allows husbands to deny wives food if they fail to obey sexual demands
Jon Boone in Kandahar
Saturday August 15 2009
Afghanistan has quietly passed a law permitting Shia men to deny their wives food and sustenance if they refuse to obey their husbands' sexual demands, despite international outrage over an earlier version of the legislation which President Hamid Karzai had promised to review.
The new final draft of the legislation also grants guardianship of children exclusively to their fathers and grandfathers, and requires women to get permission from their husbands to work.
Sunday, 16 August 2009
Swine Flu Alert!! Avoid Gay Sex & Masturbation! Apparently.
Excessive acid levels in the body decrease immunity and can make a person more susceptible to illness.
Masturbation and homosexual acts should be avoided, as they create friction/heat, which produces acid. "Normal" sex doesn't.
If this fellow is having friction-free straight sex, he ain't doin' it right.
Read more of the crazy here: BERNAMA - Unconventional Methods To Prevent Influenza
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Saturday, 15 August 2009
Well, not strictly true. I have $75 left. Two days after payday. Twelve days before next payday.
* Need dressings for my back: $35.
* Need to fill 2 scripts: $35 each.
* Need to buy lancets for the blood testing: $20.
* Need to buy smokes: approx $150.
(I realise the non-smokers are now rolling their eyes, but to my fellow addict people let me point out that I have stopped eating everything I am habituated to snacking on, and have replaced half my daily Diet Coke with water. I am already extremely cranky & depressed. If I stop smoking as well, I may commit homicide.)
At any rate, I think it's clear I have not-enough even without the smokes.
Friday, 14 August 2009
Kahloo, KaFragginLay - I am NOT insane!
I found it. Proof. I did NOT hallucinate ordering the iPhone. 3's online ordering system had a glitch and the online upgrades went "Poof".
What a relief!
a former what?
Yes. "The former giant viewing screen now known as Tony..." What is it now, if it's not also currently a giant viewing screen?
Thursday, 13 August 2009
hah! Free marketing for Despair - that's OK, they've done well by me. :>
The Waking Dreams...
Like the other day, when I burst out laughing during a physio visit, as I realised that the reason I was mad at my mother was because I'd just found out that I was born a hermaphrodite, and that she'd made the wrong choice. I mean, *obviously* not, but it felt real until I analysed the "memory" of the conversation and realised it didn't make any linear sense. Possibly the penguin was the giveaway. But I was nonetheless ANGRY that I hadn't been given the option of being a fat lonely man instead.
Today's one? WAAAAAY less funny. Last week I went onto the 3 website (three.com.au) to upgrade my handset. That was on Wednesday, I think. All the iPhones were sold out, but I REEEEEALLY wanted one, so I decided to wait and try again. On Friday I tried again and the 32Gb black was available. Hoopla! Score! Thursday delivery!!
I posted to Facebook that I had my iPhone, did a little dance etc. Over the weekend I downloaded some free apps, talked to my brother about what apps he might recommend. I had dinner with @kissability on Tuesday night and had a look at hers. The security guy at work, who also has one, has been on alert since 9am for the delivery guy. I just rang them. 3-Mobile have no record of me ever successfully applying for an upgrade. There is no delivery guy. There is no iPhone. Despite my absolute, frantic certainty that I HAVE done this... all the evidence says otherwise.
Did I dream the whole "Friday I tried again" part? The Facebook and Twitter parts happened, I can see those status updates.
This is very unsettling. What if next time it's something actually important, instead of something as trivial as a new phone?
Free Tools to Back Up Online Accounts
Back Up Your Twitter Account
If your tweets are more than just ephemeral toots of the moment, you want a backup copy of them on your computer. Twitter only makes up to 3,200 tweets available for download on a given account, so if you're approaching that number there's even more reason to start saving your stuff—because it won't be available from the Twitter web site proper.
Command line lovers can use this clever method to download their tweet XML via cURL. Alternately, web application Backup My Tweets does just that and lets you download your tweets in HTML, PDF, or JSON format, with a gotcha: you have to tweet about Backup My Tweets in order to use the free trial. We posted about tweet backup solution Tweetake, which outputs your tweets in a CSV file, but be warned: Tweetake requires you enter your Twitter username and password on their site, which isn't the most secure option the Twitter API offers. (Don't enter your Twitter password anywhere other than Twitter.com itself; if you do to use a Twitter-related service, change it immediately afterward.) For more Twitter archiving options, check out the social media experts' picks over at ReadWriteWeb.
What do people think about "Don't enter your Twitter password..." etc? A lot of applications/non-Twitter clients require it to work - what's the option?
Wednesday, 12 August 2009
fookin' (lack of) dosh
Pay this week was 2/5 of the normal amount. All regular payments have to be skipped.
Currently in bank: $430.
Currently in pocket: $30.
* $600 (6 weeks) rent
* $35 chemist
* $70 physio
* $145 (3 months) RACQ car insurance
* $270 (3 months) MBF health insurance
* $50 GP
This list does not cover the ~ $50,000 owing to various financial institutions, just my "regular" ongoing payments.
* ~$200 chemist supplies (incl. diabetes stuff, antidepressants, dressings for open infected wound on my back, etc)
* $70 for dietitian (tomorrow)
* ~$50 iPhone case (I play hard with my toys, it's worth the prevention)
I'd sell my body, but either the humiliation of not being wanted or the disgust/self-loathing of going through with it, would be the final straw.
what is this?
Tuesday, 11 August 2009
Monday, 10 August 2009
Office peon to big boss lady: Oh, move! You're taking up the whole hallway!
Big boss lady: I beg your pardon?
Office peon: Did I say that out loud? You know how people usually say that when they're joking? I'm not joking... I really didn't mean to say it.
Big boss lady: Perhaps you should follow me to my office.
Office peon: Yes... probably.
Sunday, 9 August 2009
a one-man battle against a state's gay marriage ban
Some very apropos comments in this article, re the Right's response to McConkey's campaign.
Friday, 7 August 2009
Hyper five-year-old boy #1, shocked: And in France, men kiss each other! On the cheek!
Hyper five-year-old boy #2, mumbling: Wow, I wish I was French.
Hyper five-year-old boy #1, puzzled: Wait, what?
Hyper five-year-old boy #2, disgruntled, sighing: Nothing.
You just KNOW.
...New York, the office and everywhere.
Client: So, how will we work it out if I want a custom tattoo designed?
Tattoo artist: Have you ever been shopping with your girlfriend where you just sort of follow her around for a while and point stuff out until you figure out what she wants?
Tattoo artist: It's just like that, except you're the girlfriend.
Americana Tattoo Parlor
Daddy: If you don't eat...
Three-year-old boy: You'll hit my butt? I like it when you hit my butt, it feels good on my super wee-wee!
Columbia, South Carolina
Secular Muslim salesgirl #1: What do you think of what I am wearing?
Secular Muslim salesgirl #2: I'm glad you asked, it's bizarre. Why are you wearing such a short skirt? It's winter! And is that shirt actually lingerie? And why are you wearing a veil? Especially with all this? I've never seen you wear a veil!
Secular Muslim salesgirl #1: My grandmother put glue in my shampoo bottle to try to force me to cover my hair and dress more conservatively. I didn't have time to fix it. I had to wear a veil. And the rest... well, I couldn't let her win.
Seconded by the residents of every major city
Tourist counting her group, which is clogging sidewalk: Carla? Has anyone seen Carla? Okay, Marie? Marie?
Passerby, interrupting: First, let me thank you for visiting our city. We appreciate it. Second, get out of the fucking way.
--Broadway & Canal
FW: ADF Base Security . . [SEC=UNCLASSIFIED]
To quell panic and dismay raised over Wednesday's terrorism raids in Melbourne and Colac, the Government has taken the following steps:
All Base Security Levels have been raised from "She'll Be Right" to "Yeah... Righto";
Chubb / ESS / Serco Security personnel have been provided with bigger flashlights and a thermos of Minestrone for each shift;
Local Neighbour Watch Groups have been mobilised to provide internal base security patrols; and
Inspector Rex (Germany's most experienced counter-terrorism expert) is being rushed to Australia to aid the ongoing investigation. He'll be immediately put into action once he's released from Customs, and has been wormed.
Remember be vigilant. "Cocked eyebrows save lives."
Office of Homeland and National Overreaction
Ph: (02) 6054 2666
Fax: (02) 6054 3666
Email: panic@oh no.gov.au
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
Teen passenger in speeding car sues driver who was hit
SALEM -- The driver of a minivan who was seriously injured when she was struck head-on by a drag-racing teenager doing 81 mph is now being sued by the teenager's passenger, who was also injured.
A lawsuit filed yesterday in Salem Superior Court suggests that Christine Speliotis "carelessly and negligent (sic) failed to avoid the collision with the other vehicle head on."
[The driver] Timothy Pereira, 19, of Salem is out on bail awaiting trial on charges that include racing, speeding, driving to endanger and failing to stay within marked lanes.
Investigators from the Salem and state police concluded that Timothy Pereira was going 81 mph on Fort Avenue, a road with a 30 mph speed limit, when he lost control, veering across the center lines and into the path of a Honda Odyssey minivan.
Speliotis, 42, of Salem, and her passenger, Stanley Swaczyk, 50, of Marblehead, suffered broken bones and other injuries. Police said Speliotis was traveling at a reasonable speed for the road, and she was not charged with any wrongdoing.
Speliotis had already filed a lawsuit against Timothy Pereira in April, seeking damages of at least $88,000 for medical bills and other expenses. She suffered a fractured hip and leg and had to undergo surgery to insert metal rods and screws to repair the damage.
In a formal response to the suit, a lawyer for Timothy Pereira also raised the suggestion that Speliotis' "own negligence caused or contributed to any injuries that the plaintiff may have suffered as alleged in the complaint."
Tuesday, 4 August 2009
Monday, 3 August 2009
pillory the mother
THE CHILD'S MOTHER KNEW ABOUT THE RAPE & PUT HER ON LIVE RADIO TO BE ASKED ABOUT HER SEXUAL HISTORY.
With all the other crap, Kyle losing the radio show *and* the judging spot on Idol, we're hearing nothing about a woman who DELIBERATELY created a situation in which her daughter could be humiliated on national radio.
The hosts and the radio station are not the girl's parents - blame must be placed on the mother, who abused both the child's trust and her own authority.